


Garfle! Warfle! Snick!

by IronScript



Series: Voltron Drabble Collection [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: BAMF Lance (Voltron), Fix-It, I called bullshit, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Klance can be seen as platonic if you want, Langst, M/M, Mistakes were made, Spoilers, as if Lance wouldn't kick ass at this, but now we're fixing them, everyone loves lance, game show, season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 15:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15666270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronScript/pseuds/IronScript
Summary: How the game show episode actually should have happened.I'll admit to being a Lance stan, but even people who don't like him seem to agree that he was really fucked over in this episode. So here's my attempt at it. Is it more realistic than what actually happened? I like to think so.





	Garfle! Warfle! Snick!

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Voltron.
> 
> Honestly, the summary says it all.
> 
> (Note: I changed Lance's sister-in-law's name now that it's been released.)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Also, feel free to check out [My Store](https://www.etsy.com/shop/RayvnashesButtons)!

Lance’s shoulders had tensed the moment they arrived.

They had all been caught off guard, granted, but the others took longer to adjust to their new surroundings than he did.

Coran had mentioned to him before that one of Lance’s greatest strengths was how quickly he was able to adapt, and though Lance had brushed it off in the face of having more important things to worry about than his insecurities, maybe there was actually something to it?

After only a couple seconds of regaining his bearings, Lance consciously relaxed his shoulders and facial expression, covering up the way his eyes were combing the room for threats and potential escape routes by trying to look lost and confused.

The fact that the other Paladins had similar expressions definitely helped make it more believable, though after a moment Keith’s eyes met with an almost knowing expression and the Black Paladin’s eyebrow gave a slight twitch, to which Lance offered a tiny shrug.

Neither action was obvious enough that anyone else would have noticed it until they were paying very close attention.

He might have a reputation for being a flirtatious airhead, but since becoming the Black Paladin and ending up with Lance as his right-hand man (literally) Keith had come to know better than to assume that that was all there was to Lance. Even back when they got trapped in the castle’s elevator it had been Lance who had immediately started looking for a way for them to get out of there, as well as the one to suggest how, so there was already a precedent here.

Not wanting to arouse suspicion from whoever had brought them here, they quickly glanced away from each other, and Lance took the opportunity to look more closely at their surroundings, realizing right away that they looked to be trapped (bound by their feet to floating pods, irritatingly enough) in some sort of game show studio, from the large screen to their left and the placement of the podiums in the room.

What was this, some sort of Family Feud: Space Edition?

Worse, if the Paladins were on the same team on one side of the room, who would make up the opposing team?

It was just as he came to this realization that their host appeared, quickly confirming that this was in fact a game show (Garfle, Warfle, Snick!) that they would be forced to play.

The stakes?

If they lost, they would be trapped here for the rest of eternity.

At those words, Lance’s eyes narrowed slightly and gained a dangerous glint as he thought of a few choice words that he’d vowed to never say aloud for fear of his niece and nephew repeating them. He’d adapted to using ‘Quiznack’ instead, but sometimes that just wasn’t enough.

So they had been brought to what Lance guessed was some sort of pocket dimension (hey, he’d always liked science fiction and fantasy novels, they’d come up before) to play to the tune of some psychotic alien who was more concerned with their entertainment value than the repercussions of Voltron’s Paladins being trapped would have on the war.

Great.

This time he didn’t bother to hide the wary look he exchanged with Keith.

* * *

 

Lance grimaced sympathetically as Keith’s struggling caused ‘Bob’, their host, to put his hair back in a silly ponytail and shove a pacifier in his mouth to shut him up.

Luckily Keith seemed more focused on trying to figure out how to get them out of here instead of trying to kill the alien in revenge for the prank, but at least they’d learned something from it.

Bob seemed to be controlling everything via a device in his chair, so perhaps if they managed to separate them and—

Or maybe it was a red herring to throw them off the trail, and Bob was controlling everything himself and didn’t need a focus, in which case—

As his mind started to form strategies for different scenarios as he kept coming up with more problems and ‘what if’s, Lance listened to the rules of this round’s challenge, which was basically Pictionary.

This was something he was good at, at least, between the family game nights he’d participated in back before leaving for the Garrison and trying to interpret the drawings his niece and nephew would draw for him.

Keith had mentioned to him at some point after the lion switch that he used to draw in his free time, and Lance had gently teased Keith to try and get him to draw something for him, but now he felt kind of cheated since his first taste of Keith’s art would be super-rushed and therefore crappy regardless of how skilled Keith actually was, given a decent amount of time to work with.

Bob set the timer and Keith started drawing.

The hilt of a sword, drawn with no hesitation, meaning that it wasn’t something Keith had to think about.

“Keith’s blade!”

He spoke before most of the others even opened their mouths, earning a few surprised glances (including one from Bob), but Keith didn’t even twitch before starting the next drawing.

A line going upwards at an angle, with a sudden downturn…

“Rover!”

As if he’d forget the appearance of a robot identical to the one that nearly killed him and Coran.

A small, upside-down triangle with Keith extending the lines to continue the sketch.

“My crown!” Allura piped up as she quickly got over her initial surprise at Lance’s speed, throwing Lance and then Keith (though he didn’t look up to see it) an encouraging grin.

A familiar-looking face, distinctive from the other lions.

“Red!” Lance spoke up again.

“Need to be more specific.” Bob sang.

“The Red Lion.” Allura rolled her eyes in tandem with Lance, shaking her head in commiseration. Non-Paladins (even Coran) always tended to specify instead of just calling them by the color they were, not seeming to realize that the color doubled as their names and they were just being redundant, like referring to Lance as ‘Lance human’.

Allura herself had been guilty of that before bonding with Blue, but that had quickly changed.

A plate, with an all too familiar blob piled on top of it.

“Space goo.” Hunk wrinkled his nose, gaining a shudder from all of the other humans, Keith included.

“And time’s up!” Bob pushed another button that caused Keith to zoom back to his starting place.

* * *

Keith immediately spit out the binky, now that he was able to, and reached up to his hair to undo whatever the alien had done to it, handing the hair tie to Lance, who immediately put it on his wrist in case they could use it later.

Pidge looked at them like they were nuts, but Keith shrugged at her, recalling a conversation about their favorite movies, and how he and Lance had both liked the Spy Kids series (or at least the first two) and Lance had appreciated Machete’s words that a hair tie, in the hands of someone who knew how to use it, could have over a thousand uses.

Keith just figured that if anyone could MacGyver their way out of a shitty situation with nothing but a hair accessory it was Lance.

Bob went on to announce the next round, and Keith was apprehensive, hoping it wouldn’t be anything dangerous, but relaxed instantly when Bob said that they would just have to say the names of whoever popped up on the screen.

Thank goodness it was a team effort, because if Keith was put on the spot for this kind of thing they’d probably end up in the negatives, if it were possible.

There was a reason he hadn’t remembered Lance’s name when they rescued Shiro, and it wasn’t because Lance himself was forgettable, but because Keith’s memory for that kind of thing was crap. Though the whole ‘they call me tailor’ thing hadn’t helped in that regard, leaving Keith to think that that _was_ the other’s name until he’d heard someone else call him Lance, leading Keith into a spiral of confusion until he just gave up and had Lance reintroduce himself.

Actually, he should probably clear up that misunderstanding, now that he thought about it. And apologize for brushing him off when Keith came back from their two year absence. Keith was sure Lance had already forgiven him for it the moment he realized how urgent the situation with Lotor was, but that didn’t mean he didn’t deserve an apology.

He was brought out of his thoughts when the next round started with a silly jingle, and though he tried to offer his help, he wasn’t all that helpful.

Lance, unsurprisingly, was also doing really well with this game, his social skills and curiosity whenever they encountered new people having given the opportunity to form more of a connection with said aliens than Keith’s own social awkwardness did, though he liked to think he’d improved since they found Blue.

It was annoying how the screen kept changing to a different person at the very last moment, and Keith could tell that Lance was annoyed by it (so were the rest of them), but between him and occasionally Allura or Hunk chiming in with an answer they were quickly racking up points.

An alien that looked like a mermaid from that planet Lance had saved. (And Hunk, but the Yellow Paladin hadn’t hesitated to inform them that he’d barely done a damn thing on that mission).

“Queen Luxia!” Lance.

“Sal!” Hunk offered when the owner of the restaurant at the space mall came up.

A small robot Keith vaguely remembered Pidge planking on at some point when they met Rolo and Nyma.

“Beezer!” Lance.

“Honerva!” Allura.

“Antok!” Keith was happy to earn them at least one point when a distinctive Blade of Marmora outfit popped up and the others weren’t sure whose it was.

“Ulaz!” Pidge followed it up when another Blade showed up, the one who had initially helped Shiro escape the arena. He was also the only Blade aside from Kolivan that all of them had met.

A black-haired Shiro with longer hair.

“Sven.” Lance winced, remembering the alternate dimension’s version of his friend taking a blow in Lance’s place. Hopefully the hospital managed to help…

“Chuchule!” Lance and Allura said in unison for the pink mouse.

“Rax!” Hunk answered when Shay’s brother was shown.

“Bi Boh Bi!” Lance again, just in time as the clock stopped.

“Well done!” Bob beamed as the round ended, causing Keith to narrow his eyes suspiciously. “Though I’ve noticed a bit of deadweight, here. Pidge, come on up, we’ve got a solo round for you!”

* * *

 

Pidge flinched at the words. Sure, she’d only been able to earn their team one point, but Keith’s drawings sucked, and Lance managed to say one of the answers she knew in the last round before she had the chance, it wasn’t that she didn’t _know_ it.

She’d be lying if she said it didn’t hurt her pride that _Lance_ , of all people, was doing so well in a game where she very much wasn’t.

Glancing back to see her teammate’s looking at her with encouraging grins, she caught Lance’s eyes, and noticed that along with the soft smile and thumbs up he was giving her, he also had a look of confidence in his eyes, like he totally trusted her to have this in the bag despite her lackluster performance so far.

And she suddenly felt so _, so_ ashamed of herself.

Here they were, trapped in some weird ass game and playing for their lives, for their _families_ lives and those of the entire goddamn universe, and she was so focused on trying to beat Lance after his unexpected display of skill that she’d forgotten what was important here.

And really, now that she thought about it, was said display of skill really all that surprising? She wouldn’t have expected it from him, given the goofiness she’d come to associate him with from their days at the Garrison, but it’s not like he was incompetent.

Shit…she’d written him off without a second thought, hadn’t she?

After everything they’d been through together, after all the times that he’d saved her ass, taken care of her, offered her a shoulder to cry on when she was overwhelmed and homesick and _lost_ …

She felt tears prick at her eyes as she realized that despite everything he’d done to try and support her, to support them _all_ , they’d been really fucking shitty to him in return…her especially.

Lance might not be a tech or engineering genius, and he might not have originally had the recklessness with his own safety that had made Keith and Shiro such natural pilots at the Garrison as well as such gifted fighters. He wasn’t super strong like Allura and Coran, and of course there was Allura’s alchemy.

But he was by no means an idiot.

Hunk had mentioned at some point early on in their journey that Lance had been at the Galaxy Garrison on a full-ride merit scholarship, not because his parents couldn’t afford his tuition but because he’d wanted his family to focus more on putting Luis through college and then to better take care of his niece and nephew.

As the top space exploration academy on Earth, scholarships were practically impossible to get because the pool of competitors was less of a pool and more like an ocean. They were all based on a candidate’s skill, too, because need-based scholarships had been done away with because too many of the recipients hadn’t been up to the task and had washed out.

But Lance…Lance had consistently been at the top of the class during his two years as a cargo pilot, and now that she actually bothered to think about it the equipment, techniques, and protocols for cargo pilots and fighter pilots were _very_ different, so of course Lance would’ve needed time to adjust.

It wasn’t like she’d been a shining example back at the Garrison, either. She’d been a shit communications officer, and Hunk hadn’t been all that great at his job either, what with blowing chunks everywhere, so despite Lance’s ridiculous line about being a ‘tailor’ and the fact that he’d shifted Iverson’s attention from her to himself (oh look, the level of shame increased even more), he hadn’t done any worse than she and Hunk had.

He’d crashed the simulator, sure, but that was at least partly due to her and Hunk not doing their part to keep things running smoothly. She’d seen him pull off some damn impressive maneuvering in battle even before the lion switch, so it wasn’t necessarily lack of skill that had caused them to fail.

And yeah, maybe he came off as really dense sometimes, but it wasn’t uncommon to find out later that he hadn’t been nearly as oblivious as he appeared.

For example, right after her whole gender reveal thing, she’d been pretty surprised to see that even Keith had figured her out but Lance had apparently had no idea that she was a girl. Then during a later conversation he had hinted at knowing she was female back at the Garrison, and upon further prompting had explained, sheepish, that he’d caught onto the fact that she was assigned female at birth almost immediately, but had thought that she was a transgender boy and as such had considered her to be male, accounting for his surprise when she revealed that that wasn’t the case. 

A perfectly reasonable (and considerate) assumption to make, she admitted to herself at the time.

But for some reason it was the shock and bewildered expression on his face, not the explanation of why it had been there in the first place, that had left an impression and colored some of their later interactions.

For a genius, she could be really fucking dumb, she realized.

* * *

 

Pidge’s challenge seemed to be more or less a game of Taboo, which wouldn’t be a problem, except for the fact that Bii-Boh-Bi was the one saying the words she was trying to guess the answer from.

Needless to say, she was currently trying her best not to pull her hair out.

“I have no idea what you’re saying!” she groaned, regretting not having bothered to learn the language during the Voltron show like some of the others had. They’d insisted it was easy, and she’d figured that if Lance had such an easy time with it, Pidge could learn at any time and not have issues, but man was she regretting her dismissiveness now.

Again.

Worst Friend of the Year award goes to Katie Holt, ladies and gentlemen!

Though, now that she thought about it…if Bii-Boh-Bi’s language consisted only of the sounds that made up his name (from what she could tell, at least), then she could just respond by repeating said sounds, even if she didn’t know what it meant. If Bob called her out on it, she could maybe claim a translation issue, or maybe a bad accent?

Man, she was really reaching here.

Still, using that method, she did manage to nab a couple of points, though not enough to keep her out of a tank of gross-looking liquid that would apparently liquify her given enough time.

She paled, trying not to panic as she tried to figure out a way out of her restraints as her friends screamed out her name.

“Calm down, it’s a slow process.” Bob assured them, not seeming to notice that his words didn’t help in the slightest, though more likely he just didn’t care, the bastard. “You’ll have a chance to free her with this next round! If you’re quick enough about it, that is. Now, Paladins, this round you can select who you want to go.”

* * *

 

“Lance.” Hunk hissed quietly as he nudged his best friend, everyone’s podiums having moved closer together in a circle so they could discuss their options. “I think you’re up again buddy.”

Lance opened his mouth to protest, likely about to argue how any of them would be a better option, if Hunk knew his best friend as well as he thought he did, but the other two didn’t allow him the option.

“Agreed.” Allura smiled.

“You’re kicking all our asses, hotshot.” Keith nodded with a small smirk.

“Aw, you called me hot.” Lance blinked a few times flirtatiously, snickering when he got an elbow in the gut for his trouble, not that it hurt since they were wearing their armor.

“Stop reusing stale memes.” Keith muttered.

“It’s not a stale meme!” Lance denied.

“It came out decades ago!” the Black Paladin argued.

“It’s a classic!” Lance sniffed.

“Do you have any idea what they’re talking about?” Allura whispered to Hunk.

“No idea!” he admitted cheerfully. “Guys, we’re kind of on the clock, here, remember?”

Lance and Keith paused their awkward flirting.

“Oh yeah.” Keith muttered before doing his best to shove Lance towards Bob, which wasn’t made easy by the floating surfaces they were all on, but Bob brought him the rest of the way over.

“Jerk.” Lance muttered before focusing on Bob. “Okay, what is it this time?”

“If you could read you’d already know that.” Bob laughed as he pointed to the screen, which hadn’t shown a damn thing until Lance had already asked. “Guess I should’ve expected that from the dumb one, but hey, at least you’re pretty.”

Lance grunted, taken aback and genuinely offended, since this was something he’d thought to himself more than a few times, but was instantly comforted by his friends’ reactions.

Hunk, a very uncharacteristic glare, nostrils flaring.

Allura, gripping the podium so hard that part of it broke off, since she’d temporarily lost control of her super strength.

Keith, a furious snarl on his face as he struggled to leap at Bob, only the platform he was stuck to keeping him from maiming the alien with his bare hands, lack of weapons be damned.

Pidge, to his surprise, was the only one who reacted verbally.

“Don’t say that to him, you sociopathic little shit, if anyone’s dumb here it’s me!” she yelled from her tank, struggling enough that Bob had to zap a pair of handcuffs onto her. “When I get out of here, I’m going to steal his bayard and shoot out your kneecaps! Lance, you need to give me lessons so I can do that. I always sucked at shooter arcade games.”

“Sure, Pidge.” Lance barely managed to get out, surprised at her rather passionate defense of him, though something in his heart felt lighter at hearing that her opinion of him might not be as bad as he had recently come to think it was. It was nice of the others to be so pissed on his behalf, too, considering how strained everything had been between them all recently. “Also: language.”

“You’re such an old man.” Pidge sighed, some of the fight leaving her (for the time being at least) as she realized struggling against the handcuffs would only cause her to drown.

“Just trying to curb the cussing so I don’t slip up in front of my niece and nephew.” Lance shrugged. “Lisa would kill me.”

“Lisa?” Allura whispered quietly.

“His sister-in-law.” Hunk explained quietly to her and Keith. “She gave birth to his niece and nephew a few years before all of this, and even though Lance didn’t get to see them very often, he’s kind of their undisputed favorite out of all of them. He takes being an uncle very seriously.”

He didn’t want to give too much detail without Lance’s knowledge or permission, but he noticed both Allura and Keith’s eyes softened as they glanced at Lance, small smiles on their faces.

Allura’s expression looked more like she was looking at a dear friend or beloved brother, while Keith’s eyes hinted at something more.

A lot more.

Oh, wow, Hunk realized as he noticed that there was actually a slightly pink tinge to his friend’s face.

He was only surprised that he wasn’t more surprised.

“Don’t say it.” Keith muttered, averting his eyes as he figured out that Hunk had noticed his fondness for Lance. “Not the time.”

Hunk had to physically bite his lip to obey that order, but he managed, though Allura’s eyes lit up as she clued in.

“Oh, Keith, that’s—” she began with a grin, only for Keith’s deadpan expression to make her cut herself off. “Right, not the time. But we’ll make you talk eventually.”

“Don’t count on it.” Keith muttered back, turning his attention back towards Lance and Bob.

“Next challenge is a battle simulation!” Bob cackled, turning towards the other Paladins. “What do you think about that?”

They all blinked at him, even Pidge.

“What do you mean, ‘what do we think about that’?” Allura’s eyebrows furrowed in bewilderment. “It’s rather self-explanatory, isn’t it?”

“Don’t you wish you’d chosen someone else to come up here?” Bob prompted.

“No, stop trying to bait us.” Keith scowled darkly, arms folding against his chest. “Lance is perfectly capable of doing whatever you’re about to throw at him.”

Allura and Hunk grinned at each other (though they in no way disagreed) and glanced towards the Red Paladin in unison to see his reaction, delighting in the tiny smile and ducked head Lance gave at the Black Paladin’s words and exchanging a high-five.

The boys didn’t notice the byplay, though Pidge raised an eyebrow at them, and Hunk mouthed ‘later’.

She gave them a look that said she’d hold them to that, before turning to Bob. “Can you just let him start, already? I’m not feeling anything yet, but I’d rather not become space goo.”

“And now we’ll never be able to eat that again.” Hunk cringed.

“I mean, it’s not a real loss.” Keith said, though he grimaced at the comparison.

“Whatever you say, deadweight.” Bob agreed as the red bayard appeared at Lance, who immediately took a shot at him, pissed off at the insult towards his friend. The shot was stopped by a tiny shield popping up to block it. “Tsk, come on dummy, obviously you’re not going to be able to hit me with that thing.”

The Paladins were all tense now, infuriated at the insults towards Lance and Pidge, though the two in question were more affected by the insult to the other.

Still, Pidge was right. This was kind of time-sensitive.

“What do I have to do?” Lance bit out after a moment.

Bob smiled as a few dozen targets popped up, all different in size and distance from the spot Lance was standing.

“Well, your only real skill is being a marksman, right?” he ignored the snarls. “Just don’t miss the bulls-eyes and Pidge goes free.”

“Fine.” Lance’s bayard charged to it’s sniper rifle form, which allowed for more accuracy than his blaster gun, and raised it to shoulder-level immediately.

“Don’t forget, if you’re not quick about it Pidge is going to—”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up already.” Lance cut him off, letting off three quick shots before turning slightly and aiming at five more, hitting dead center on each of them.

Allura and Hunk would’ve teased Keith about his flushed face at Lance’s show of skill, but they themselves were too impressed by it to pay him any attention.

Just as Lance was seemingly about to start in on the closer targets (he’d aimed for the small, far away ones first), he changed tactics.

He had shifted to aim towards a small target on the ground near where Bob’s hoverchair was lingering, but at the very last second readjusted his aim and fired off a quick shot at not Bob but the chair itself, frying the circuitry.

“Holy quiznack!” Bob yelped at the close call, forgetting for a moment that he himself was protected from the weapon.

It all went black for a moment, and then all five Paladins were back at their podiums, Pidge thankfully un-liquified.

“Great.” Lance sighed. He’d been afraid that those chair controls were just for show.

“And now after that short break, we’ve made it to the final round!” Bob said, looking the slightest bit frazzled, now sitting on a new chair. “This one’s easy, just a simple question.”

Blue dividers rose up between the Paladins, and a stylus appeared in front of each of them.

“I’m willing to let one of you go free. Paladins, it’s up to you. Who do you pick?”

It was silent for a long moment.

Keith was the first to actually write down a name, the others fidgeting with their styluses for a bit before regretfully putting down their pick. Pidge especially looked lost, glancing between Hunk and Lance, but made her decision after realizing who between them had a better chance of coming up with a way for the rest of them to escape if they did end up stuck in this shithole.

Allura’s choice was the first to be shown, and she had chosen to save Pidge.

Hunk chose Allura.

Lance…Keith. Because apparently Lance saw him as the future.

Pidge herself had gone with Hunk.

Keith…chose to save Lance. For reasons he refused to disclose despite Lance’s pout and Bob’s nagging, though Allura and Hunk’s snickers told Pidge that they had an idea, at least.

“None of you voted to save yourselves, and all of you were voted to be able to leave…” Bob said slowly, building up the tension. “So I guess that means…you win!”

It all went black again.

* * *

 

They all jolted in their lions as they seemed to regain consciousness.

“Man, guys, I just had the weirdest dream.” Hunk sighed into the comms.

“Don’t tell me.” Pidge groaned. “Garfle, Warfle, Snick?”

There was silence for a long moment, before Coran, of all people, spoke up.

“Wait, Garfle, Warfle, Snick?” he repeated. “Did you meet Bob?”

“Bob?” Allura repeated weakly. “You know of him?”

“Of course!” Coran scoffed. “He’s an interdimensional being known to test the worthiness of mighty heroes. Many consider him to be a god. You’re really quite lucky to have met him! I assume you passed the test, then.”

No one bothered to respond to that one.

“God or not, that guy was a dick.” Keith said bluntly, immediately earning agreement from the others, even Lance not bothering to scold him for the language.

* * *

 

“So Keith, care to tell me—”

“No. Don’t remember, didn’t happen.”

“Hey!”

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave a comment!
> 
> (I know Hunk's not innocent in Lance basically being abandoned, I just couldn't find a good place to address that. I am planning to write more, though, so it'll come up at some point.)
> 
> Oh, this is also cross-posted on Tumblr under ironscript-blog, if any of you are interested.


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